Effects of Divorce On Children

Divorce affects children the most. Knowing the effects divorce has on them will help deal with them and teach them to cope. This article tells you everything you need to know about the effects that divorce has on children.
| Friday, January 29, 2010
Life had always a bed of roses for Cynthia; she had fallen in love with Colin while in college and they had exchanged vows as soon as he got himself a job with a tire manufacturing company. Two years later Kevin was born. Today 10 years later sitting at the dining table one Friday morning, Cynthia leafed through her wedding album, stopping at each picture and looking at them with moist eyes. She wondered what had gone wrong with their marriage and what would she tell Kevin regarding the divorce, of course he was big enough to understand but then what affects the divorce would have on him, she wondered. Determined she got her laptop from her room, sat down on the couch and began to collect all the information she could about divorce and its effects on children. She believed helping Kevin cope with the divorce might help her forget her own pain too.

Why do marriages end in divorce? This isn't a simple question since the reasons for divorce are innumerable. In most of the cases the causes of divorce are estrangement or emotional separation, which is said to start much earlier that when the stage of divorce reaches the court. Divorce is difficult on the parents but it's the children who are affected the most! The reason for this is that children realize that they will see less of one parent, may also have to live a life which is of decreased standard and might also have more responsibility given to them. This and other causes are responsible for divorce related stress in children. To combat this problem here is a list of effects of divorce on children. If you are thinking of getting a divorce, this will help you ensure that your child is in a condition to cope with the stress.

Effects of Divorce

Insecurity

In most cases parents aren't aware that their children are affected by the way they see them behave with each other. If parents behave in an immature fashion and turn spiteful, rude and selfish towards each other then children become insecure and thus suffer from traumatic stress. If the relationship ends in divorce then the child grows up feeling that there is no place that will offer them security and stability. Some children are able to deal with divorce early while others even grow up confused.

Low Self-Worth

It is important for a child to grow up feeling loved and cared for but if things go wrong then a child will grow up feeling unwanted and thus suffer from a sense of low self-worth. This truth is manifested if a child grows up feeling that he is the reason for all the quarrels at home. Every time their name comes up during a conversation they squirm and cry because they feel responsible. If the divorce comes through, the child will only grow up feeling worse and more responsible for it. In most cases they will grow up feeling the same even though they are told otherwise.

Highly Vulnerable

Children of divorced parents not only feel the above but are also vulnerable. This cause of divorce makes them attach themselves to people who display behavior that is constant. They also feel the need to increase their self-esteem and often do so by seeking approval in different places and through different mediums. Bad company often seem interesting and attractive to children whose parents are divorced.

Low Sense of Responsibility

As is with everything else in life children look and learn from their environment. It is because of this that when parents divorce, children grow up feeling that they don't have to work too hard on a relationship and that it's fine to let go if they feel that there is no progress. They also grow up feeling that love is not worth it and that that there is nothing called trust in love. This negative feeling often causes the child to decide not to marry or have children.

No Respect for Authority

Children associate authority with their parents and this idea goes out of their mind when they see their parents quarreling and using bad and rude language with each other. This cause of divorce makes children feel that the rules that have been made for them are useless if the parents are unable to respect each other. This situation results in children making their own rules which often get them into trouble not only with friends and relatives but also with the police. To make your child follow the right path it is of great importance to set the right example!

Minimizing the Effects of Divorce on Children

Each child has a different way of coping and overcoming stress. Keeping this in mind it is important to study your child and find out if your child is going through any of the effects of divorce. Once you have an idea as to what your child is going through; you can come up with some ideas. For instance you can agree never to criticize each other when your child is present. Also wait before going out with someone else and do not marry in a hurry. It is advisable to introduce your child to someone you are interested in and give him an opportunity to get to know the person. Try and always be together to celebrate achievements. A child will feel better when both parents cheer him on and come together despite the divorce. This might even instill a habit of achievement in the child. Remember children are precious and everything you say or do affects them in some way or another.

   
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